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[metafictions]

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[killtime]

i meant the general you
is this a man who spanks
in general

[metafictions]

[andy why. he was literally sitting here watching law and order: jigoku-cho, now you're making him contemplate his beloved unclezoned friend kimothy kimball kitsuragi's sex life?]

do i have to answer this question

[killtime]

you're already thinking about it so

[ IT'S FOR SCIENCE, KAMUI ]

[metafictions]

[MASSAGING HIS FOREHEAD]

I mean

[IS HE REALLY GOING TO ANSWER THIS??]

I guess??? [Unfortunately, he is now taking the line of inquiry seriously, for science, because who is he if not a detective prepared to chase down any lead. Even if it is a spanking lead. So, in yet another text:] Wait, I'm thinking about it. He's very authoritative, and he takes a lot of initiative. So... yes?

[oh no. now he knows kim's a top.]

[killtime]

wow
you really were thinking about it

[ He can't see it, but she's smirking at her screen. This was all she hoped for and more. Look — sometimes you're a bored 7,000-year-old insomniac and you gotta get your kicks where you can. ]

that your final answer?

[metafictions]

I forgot to add that he's mature and a bit older. It's sort of cliche, but, you know. I think he would.

So, yes. Honest and considered from every angle... Unfortunately.

[Good job, Andy, you're even coaxing the sass out of him.]

Can I know why now?

[killtime]

[ The sass though. ]

does there have to be a reason
you don't ever just sit around and think about this shit?

[ 7,000 years is a long time to let the mind wander, okay. ]

[metafictions]

Not really?

[andy, why.]

I'm not having sex with any of my friends, so what they get off on is their own business.

[...Wait. No. Wait. Go back. Go back. He's staring down at his phone in mild horror because, once again: he's already thinking about it.]

[killtime]

[ She just knows it too. She just knows you're thinking about it, Kamui. ]

you don't have to be fucking someone to be curious
besides
some people just lend themselves to the imagination

[metafictions]

[STAY OUT OF HIS BRAIN BASTARD WOMAN]

'Some' including Kim in this case.

[He could just put his phone down. He could just put his phone down. He's going to have to go stand next to Kim for 2 hours tomorrow. And yet.]

Is it because he's so serious?

[killtime]

[ There's a thoughtful pause on her end.

Finally: ]

it's because he never talks about himself

[metafictions]

Now that you mention it, he doesn't.

[Kim's so steadfast, but... he hasn't really thought about how private the man is. Perhaps because he's a little bit the same, himself.]

I've known him for a little longer than you have, but I don't really feel like I know much. Just a bit about the world he's from, and that his partner's here.

[Andy should meet Harry, probably. He's sure they'd get along.]

[killtime]

[ Case in fucking point — ]

he has a fucking partner?

[metafictions]

Yeah, Harry. He’s assigned to Shuten with me as well. He’s great. :)

[MAYBE YOU SHOULD CLARIFY BUDDY]

[killtime]

[ AFTER A SIGNIFICANT PAUSE ]







fuck

[metafictions]

[???????]

Did I say something wrong?

[killtime]

[ no no there's still a fucking chance here ]

how many harrys does shuten have?

[metafictions]

Unless I missed something, one?

[Here, Andy, have an extremely cute sumo victory selfie circa the Night Parade, featuring Kamui and a half-naked Harry with a towel around his shoulders.]

Did something happen, Andy?

1/idk

[killtime]

[ OH FUCK




FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk ]

enma's hairy ASSHOLE

[killtime]

no it's fine

[killtime]

it's fine

[killtime]

i'm just going to throw myself off the nearest fucking building

AUDIO,,,,

[metafictions]

[FUCK IT HE’S CALLING HER]

Andy, what the hell did you do?

[killtime]

[ HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ]

...Look. I swear he never mentioned anything about a fucking partner.

[metafictions]

[…Oh.

OH.

Oh god.]

Just calm down. I’m sure Kim won’t be upset. They are just partners, after all.

[Haha, unless? Is Kim the jealous type? Why is this the most he’s thought about Kim’s love life ever?]